Tuesday, April 12, 2011

ummm...

It's funny, when I type that title, blogger tells me I've already used that one.  Apparently, she saves all my titles.  Which is just a big laugh in the face because of my issue with titles. 

Anyway.  That's not what I wanted to write about. 

I wanted to write about guilt.  Do you struggle with it like I do?  I am a people pleaser...I like for the people around me to be happy and I like for them to like me.  I'm having a hard time with guilt this week.  And it's only Tuesday.  One of the things I'm struggling with is missing Bible study last night.  I love this Daniel study I'm doing for the 2nd time, but I was exhausted from our entire weekend being spent outside, in the sun.  But I missed our study last night, then found out several other women missed it.  It's nothing personal...I was just exhausted and didn't think I could handle going.  I even fell asleep in my chair two times before 8:30 last night.  In fact, when the boys went upstairs at that time for bed (yes, I made them to go bed early), I went up with them.  I read for about 20 minutes, then sleep took over. 

I told you.  I was tired. 

And because I wrote out the reason I stayed home from Bible study should show you that I really do struggle with guilt.  Those of us that are like this over-explain ourselves.  In reality, I shouldn't care what people think of me (because I'm not on earth to please people, but to please my Heavenly Father).  I should stand firm in a decision that I make and not feel the need to make excuses or explain why I did (or didn't do) something.

But that's in a perfect world. 

If I was telling this to my Daddy, he would use this moment to tell me about a class at church that I need to take.  It's called Search for Significance and he's taken it at least 5 times.  It's about all the forms of "bondage" we live in, and I know that I've heard him say that guilt is one of them. 

Ephesians 1:4 says, "For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight." 

Blameless.  Without guilt. 

I know this...but why do I struggle?  I know that He has a lesson in this for me, but I need to pray that my spiritual eyes be open to Him and to what He needs me to understand. 

I also need to surrender this to Him.  He doesn't want me to feel guilty over my decisions in life...especially when they're not even harmful to anyone or to myself.  (My issue lies within me saying "NO.") 

Well...that's all.  I need to wake up the Doodle Bops.  Maybe this will help someone else today, too...but I wanted you to see a side of me that I don't usually display. 

Love to all. 

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